I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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