I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
