The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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