So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize