soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
