my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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