Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
