So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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