His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
