So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize