Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
