I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
