if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize