I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
