It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
