she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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