I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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