So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
