I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Congratulations! We have a period
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