im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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