You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
