can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
