Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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