Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
