Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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