mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
