Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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