I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize