im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
