We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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