Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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