Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
