The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
