went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
