I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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