Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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