I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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