he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize