Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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