That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Someone shit on the floor
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
