Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
