Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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