The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
