I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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