make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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