if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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