At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
