Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
