You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
