I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
