Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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