Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
