Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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