come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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