I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
