Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
