Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
