i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
home. puking in laundry basket.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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