New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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