nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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