we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
