I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
