Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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