I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
