How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
