what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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