and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
