you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize