Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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