My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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