it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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