Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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