i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
