the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
