I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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