You really coming over, don't trick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
